What am I?

Sep. 4th, 2010 12:04 pm
a_girl_like_me: (Default)
[personal profile] a_girl_like_me
Yes, a question that I'm told many in my situation have asked themselves. I was about to add "at one time or another" there, but then realised that I've never actually stopped asking myself that question.

When I was too young to understand what 'gender' was; when I did have a vague idea but was already certain that I 'didn't fit'; when I first tried to come to terms with it despite the complete lack of information I could find on the matter (it was the days before the internet was the fount of all knowledge); after I'd changed all the documentation; once I'd had "the op"; when age started itself known; when my mental and physical states before much more of an issue; even today I wonder what I am.

I'd like to think I had a working hypothesis on the subject, but then I realise I actually don't, and I'm back at square one again.

[Yes, this memoire is going to have quite a bit of introspection I expect. Possibly it is the reason I've started writing it]

The only conclusions I can reach at this moment are:
1. Fat/frumpy/forty
2. 'White' (or rather olive-pink)
3. Visually female
4. with some physical disabilities
5. and some mental 'issues'
6. who is presently single (and doesn't like it) but
7. who doesn't like going out her home that often
8. but finds an online existence slightly easier.
9. And who sometimes wishes she could talk honestly about her history to someone(s) else she trusted but it all too aware that "you can't be a little bit pregnant"
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